To this end, a Declaration of Independence was drafted, modeled after the American document of the same name. Unlike the American model, however, every single citizen of the would-be Sovereign Nation of Suite 607 was to sign the declaration. Even more amazing, this seemingly impossible task was completed in only 30 minutes! With the declaration in hand, newly appointed Secretary of Administration Tyler Bletsch, in a manner not unlike the religious revolutionary Martin Luther, stapled this document to the oppressive 6th floor's Board of Propaganda, where the insipid Animal House theme was on display. A concise document outlining the basic tenets of the new nation, the Declaration flew in face of 6th floor dogma by pointing out that humans "are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the lack of Association with Various Idiotic American Cultural Items."
The history of Suite 607 is in the making at this very moment. Its fundamental belief of freedom from idiocy rings in the heart of every child forced to watch SpongeBob SquarePants, every hard-working employee forgotten in a sea of languid fools, and every cognizant human being made to listen to any modern "boy band."
For more information on the Soverign Nation of Suite 607, please stop by the Suite 607 Congressional Library.