The Suite 607 Declaration of Independence

When in the Course of student events, it becomes necessary for one suite to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Sullivan and of Nature's RD entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of studentkind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal (though some more immature and annoying than others), that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the lack of Association with Various Idiotic American Cultural Items. That to secure these rights, Themes are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the represented. That whenever any Form of Theme becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Students to alter or to abolish it, and to institute a new Theme, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Sanity and Happiness.

We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these retardations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends. We, therefore, the Representatives of the 607 Suite of Sullivan Hall, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by the authority of the good People of these Rooms, solemnly publish and declare. That these United Rooms are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent Rooms; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the 6th Floor RA, and that all political connection between them and the 6th Floor is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent Rooms, they have full Power to levy Study, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent Rooms may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.