DiscSpace

Journal - 15 September 2000: Dear God, Instant Liquid Eggs Suck

We sent a man to the moon. We sent several men, in fact. As a race, we've constructed the Great Wall, the pyramids, the space shuttle, and even a Ferris wheel taller than Big Ben. Why is it, then, that we cannot make a breakfast product based on the egg that does not induce vomit? By comparison, this is an infinitely simple task. So simple in fact, that it surprises me that people on the street aren't constantly solving this problem by accident. Billions of dollars are funneled into such scams as "curing deadly diseases" and "helping the homeless." The actions of these so-called humanitarians amount to nothing more than a national crime. These resources should be taken out of the hands of these cure-mongers and put to use for the creation of an edible instant egg product.

"But Tyler, isn't the idea of redistributing wealth in order to expedite the creation of an edible egg product a bit illogical?" No.

"Could you elaborate on that?" No.

"Well, then, could you at least tell me why you are hell-bent on ridding the world of poor egg substitutes and focusing wealth on better instant egg solutions?" Yes.

...

"Well?" Oh, I'm just supposed to assume you mean now? Very well. It was a crisp September morning when I awoke.

"You already started a flashback like that. Can't you come up with an original introduction?" No. In fact, for your insolence, I shall end this entry. You shall wait for the next to hear the tale of the fluffy yellow doom that would consume me.

"God damn it." Indeed.

~

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