Journal - 22 September 2000: Richard Nixon vs. Love, the Victor Faces Rene Descartes

I'll get right down to it. It's the grudge match of the universe. In the red corner, weighing in at 190 pounds, the 37th president of the United States of America, Richard Milhous Nixon. In the blue corner, weighing in at 0 pounds due to its intangibility, lamented by songwriters and poets since time immemorial, the Platonic form of love. Its been a slow few days, can't you tell. A detailed poll of the people in my immediate vicinity reveals that Nixon is favored 3 to 1 against the Platonic form of love. My roommate, originator of this bout, pointed out that Nixon has the ability to call on the aid of Aristotle, who would fight the Platonic form of love due to his disbelief in the theories Plato set forth regarding forms in the universe. Other key reasons for a Nixonian victory include the fact that the late president is "ornery" and that "he can both lie and not lie". Despite the fact that the latter reason doesn't make sense, I will have to agree. The reason for a victory by Love ("Love conquers all") just isn't enough. Furthermore, Nixon has the weight advantage by a factor of infinity (190 / x as x approaches 0 is infinity). If you were keeping up with last entry's bout, you know that Rene Descartes, 17th century philosopher, won the previous match. This makes the next match Richard Nixon vs. Rene Descartes for the title of Most Powerful Person and/or Concept of the Set of Richard Nixon, Rene Descartes, Adam West, and Love.

Nixon vs. Descartes. The victory is thorough. Descartes wins by a vote of 4 to 1. Descartes sports such advantages of age (both opponents are taken in their prime; Nixon's prime was political, thus he was older). Two voters pointed out that "I think therefore I am" could be used as a weapon once more. The argument for Nixon was that he defies logic (madman strategy in Vietnam, etc.) and could use unofficial political contacts. However, Descartes is the victor, most likely employing a ruse to cause Nixon to stop thinking, if even for an instant. Nixon doesn't think, therefore he ain't.

In the end, on top of the blackened, charred corpses of his opponents, Rene Descartes stands victorious as the Most Powerful Person and/or Concept of the Set of Richard Nixon, Rene Descartes, Adam West, and Love. At the request of my room mate, Rene Descartes will "smack the hell out of Britney Spears." Good day.


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