Journal - 10 October 2000: These New Headphones are Pretty Good

These new headphones are pretty good. I got them for just $7, and they are the kind with sound insulating leather padding and good bass. Don't misinterpret, I am not some techno-rave geek who needs a subwoofer in his sandals in order to justify their purchase. It's just that the ratty earphones I have been using to date fail to block exterior noise effectively. This would not be that bad if it wasn't simply the train blazing by Sullivan hall every hour or so, blowing every horn on it. That sound has come to be music comparable to the sweet melodies of Johan Sebastian Bach, when contrasted with the blithering rambling that is Davematthewsband. Why do I write it as one word? Hell if I know, that's how they do it, but to avoid further complains on the part of my word processor, they will be simply referred to as 'the group'. The existence of the group presents several problems to the fields of music, ethics, and even philosophy. Firstly, the question posed by the field of music: why are they popular? More specifically, how can they be popular? Every song consists of either a repeated phrase warbled in the trademark off-key fashion or a hackneyed poem of some sort. Take one of their so-called hits, "So much to say." Here is a quick quote from this breakthrough piece of musical art:

So much to say
So much to say
So much to say
So much to say

Now I'm no lyricist, but I'm thinking that if you repeat a line four times in a row on multiple occasions, you don't have so much to say. In fact, you have critically little to say. If I had so little to say, I would not justify a song to be written about these limited quantities of things to say.

How does the group pose a question to the field of ethics? Which is the lesser of two evils: allowing the group to so defile microphones and studio equipment for years, or taking the risk that the group may direct their music at any human being who tries to stop this evil? Is the human toll of stopping them worth saving the many? In short: yes. Spock logic can easily solve this one: The desire to not listen to utter crap of the many outweighs the desire to not listen to utter crap of the few, or the one.

Finally, the existence of the group shatters virtually all world religion and a large quantity of philosophy. The logic behind this failure is simple: If an omniscient, omnipotent power made the universe, then such a power would inevitable know of all music any life-forms create in such a universe. No deity would ever subject themselves to knowing of the group, for the horror exceeds even the infinite crap-shielding of an omnipotent being (the poly-infinite nature of the badness of the group has been proven by scientists).

Getting back to the origin of this entry, the headphones. I hope these will be sufficient to drown out those untalented wretches that are brought to life by the vile USB sound system of my roommate on a near constant basis (the same four songs, too).

Looking back, this entry was largely asinine. I apologize.


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